WHAT A MORNING! SO, Judah and I leave the house for our usual drive to school. As we hit one of the busy roads I see two dogs…don’t worry Carol! I recognized them as a neighbor’s two dogs. They are known as escape artists who typically stay IN our neighborhood. However, I guess this morning they decided to be more adventurous and daring than normal. AND daring they were. They were in and out of morning traffic on a busy road! I just HAD to stop to get them…the start of my morning adventure.
First of all, the two dogs are Beagle mixes…um very chunky ones to say the least. I’d say they each are about 40 pounds. I wasn’t worried though. I figured I’d call them and they’d come right to me. SO, I turn my car around in the direction they were going and stopped (since there was no emergency lane). I put on my flashers and jump out of the car. As I do, Judah is in the car holding Moses and yelling at me that I can’t just stop in the middle of the road AND he’s going to be late for school. But, no worries! I figured I could easily swoop these dogs up and be on our way…NOT!
OK, so I approach the dogs and with a little sweet talking one of them comes to me. I realize at that point he had no collar and the only way to get him to the car is to pick that sucker up. And so I did. In my usual skirt attire I carry this heavy dog to my car. One down, one to go.
The other dog wondered farther away as I was putting his buddy in my car. I slowly walk up to him and sweet talk him. This is going to be easy, I thought. Well, guess what? The dog runs! And he doesn’t run towards me. Oh no! That would be too easy. The d*mn dog runs in the direction of the busy road and right into traffic! Don’t worry. All of the cars stop. I suppose seeing my bright blue car on the “side” of the road and me standing there drew enough attention.
As I stand across the street I watch the plump size pooch run into a cute neighborhood which is thankfully isolated from any traffic. I run to my car, get in, do a U-ie and yes, I went through a red light too…but the dog was about run out of that neighborhood and go back into traffic! I had to stop him! By this point Judah is still yelling at me about needing to get to school. Crazy, but true, I am still determined I’ll be able to get this other dog and we’ll be on our way. WHAT WAS I THINKING?!
Once in that neighborhood I pull my car to the side of the road and get out. I notice the dog sniffing the ground as if he’s tracking. My thought was this d*mn dog is looking for his buddy which is in my car. That’s when a car stops and a friend’s daughter (who goes to the same school as Judah) gets out of the car. She sweetly asks if she can help me. Their timing was perfect! I asked my friend if she could take Judah with her to school so I can try to round up the dog. She gladly says she’ll take Judah. I go back to the car and tell Judah to go with my friend. Would you believe he fusses at me and tells me it’s OK if he’s late for school? OY VEY! Meanwhile, it wasn’t as if my kid was even helping me…just sitting in the car reprimanding me about being late.
Once my friend drove off, I was back to trying to figure out how to get this dog. I was determined to have it done before my friend came back. That’s when I had a brilliant idea. And this folks is when you say, “Uh Oh!”
I figured since the dog I needed to catch was looking for his buddy, I’d simply get his buddy for him to see. AND once he sees him he’ll come to me and we can be on our merry way. Problem one: NO dog collar or leash. With no other choice I pick up the very plus size Beagle and carry him over to the other dog.
At this point the dog (I was trying to catch) had wondered behind a wooden fence just like this one, But since there were plenty of openings for the dog to go through, I didn’t see a problem. I just figured he’d see his buddy, crawl through and once again, I thought we’d be on our merry way. Well, the dog did see his buddy AND he did get EXCITED. BUT, the d*mn dog could NOT figure out how to get out of the fence! OMG! I could NOT believe it. There had to be a hidden camera somewhere because this dog could not be that dumb. Well, um, yes he is. The dog even began panicking…wanting to get to his buddy but unable to figure out how to get out of the “fenced area”. I actually stood there in disbelief AND found myself trying to explain to the dog that he could go under the fence. Um, yeah, MaLea. That’s right. As if the dog will suddenly understand you and go under the fence. OMG! ARE YOU KIDDING ME? By this point the dog I’m holding is getting very heavy and my patience was running thin. I had to figure something out. And so, I look to see where the fence ended…folks we were slap dab in the middle. Leave it to me…only I can get myself into these situations.
As the dog got more distressed I figure my only option is to get the dog to follow me to the end of the fence so he can get out. And so, I run like an idiot with the dog in my arms towards the end of the fence all while sweet talking the other one (so he’ll follow me). At this point I was not confident it would work but I had to try. As y’all can imagine I was thrilled when the dog followed me to the end of the fence where there was a l-a-r-g-e opening for him to get through. I actually got excited when the dog even followed me to the car. YES! Not much longer!
When I got to the car I was able to squat down (while still holding that dog) and grab the other dog. Y’all, my brilliant plan came to a screeching halt at that point. NOW WHAT? What the h*ll was I going to do? I am squatting on the ground holding one 40 pound dog half on my lap and half under my left arm AND the other 40 pound dog (that I had been chasing what seemed forever) under my right arm. AND as I’m holding them all I can do is look at my car door with the closed doors. I knew if I let go, the chase would start all over again which I was NOT going to do. I was determined to get the two dogs into my car! Well, I wasn’t the only one who was determined. The dog I had been chasing for the last 15 minutes decided to make a run for it! OH LAWD! He tries to take off… I refused to let go of him (and the other dog) and so down I fell onto the ground. While sitting on my butt at this point I held tightly onto the first dog and grabbed the leg of the dog that tried to run. Don’t worry, I didn’t have to pull it hard for him to stop. By that point I was done. These dogs were going to get into my car. I honestly don’t remember but I somehow got the car door open and attempted to push the two heavy dogs inside the car. They were dead weight as they refused to get into the back seat. This was insane I thought to myself.
When I could see I had both dogs pinned in between me and the car, I felt it was safe to pick one dog up at a time to put into the car. However, when I picked up the first dog, he yelped. AND when he yelped it scared the heck out of the other dog so he tried to get away by pushing me out of the way. Well, like h*ll had I gotten this far to let him go. This was going to be the end of this adventure for sure. That was when my Shira mighty powers sprang forth. I grabbed both dogs. I picked both of them up and I put the two of them into my car. As I slammed the car I could hear the Rocky movie theme song being played. And even though I felt like doing the victory dance, I refrained. Folks, lawd knows as it was I provided a enough entertainment to the folks in that neighborhood.
NOTHING like doing a good deed AND providing laughter to those who happened to be watching me. One thing Carol always says when it comes to me…I always keep life exciting.